First Italian Poem

Dissipation

It’s July in Rome, and I can’t sleep.
Even as the sun dips languidly into the horizon,
in timid increments, like a cautious bather
the heat still lingers. It hangs
draped over rooftops, across clotheslines
strung like cobwebs between flowered balconies,
caught by the fibers of the starchy sheets on my hard mattress,
pricking beads of sweat from my restless legs and feet.

The fan churns weakly in the corner, defeated
by the humid weight of stagnant air. And despite
the itchy, pressing warmth, I will not throw
the blankets back. Because uncovered
here means unconfined, borderless, and thus exposed.

And I have already felt my edges start to blur,
standing in the courtyard of San Pietro,
head swept back to follow marble pillars
up their gleaming length into the too-large sky,
feeling so untethered I could almost
shuck this tiny clumsy body, atomize
into the ivory-cradled blue – almost.
Except the heat enfolds me, layered thickly like a bandage,
compressing me into myself, until I can look down
to find my feet still balanced on the cobblestones.

So I’ve lied awake since midnight, counting down
until those precious few cool hours before dawn,
willing myself heavier, dense enough
to remain whole, contained without
the ballast that once kept me grounded,
gave me shape.