There is a system here--
a pattern of whirs and purrs and churns,
its presence is not as felt now
as it once was,
exhaling thick black
panting
slowly at first and then with increasing
intensity
But now
--not without starts and stops
crossing lines--
we glide,
the system pushing me
steadily to you.
a pattern of whirs and purrs and churns,
its presence is not as felt now
as it once was,
exhaling thick black
panting
slowly at first and then with increasing
intensity
But now
--not without starts and stops
crossing lines--
we glide,
the system pushing me
steadily to you.
1 comment:
Again, Naomi, your choice of language is always stunning - one of the things I love best about your writing is how sparse it has become. You never use more words than you have to, and yet your images are always so evocative, your words perfectly chosen. This is especially evident in a poem like this with so much onomatopoeia.
This poem, in fact, reminds me of the e.e. cummings poem you posted below - there's a similar parallel between machine and human sexuality that I find really fun and interesting. I also like the vagueness of the ending, since the poem transitions sharply from the impersonal to the personal.
I do feel, if you were to re-work the poem, it might benefit from a more in depth exploration of the relationship between passenger and vehicle, and destinations both spatial and personal.
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